The Battle of Springwatch

Trailer for 'The Battle of Springwatch'
(please adopt American movie trailer voice for the duration)

Announcer:
It seemed like such a good idea, for one Ordinary Mom and her Ordinary Liddle Girrrl
[mid-length shot of glamorous American actress and a frighteningly cute kid in shorts, probably played by a 12-yr old]
A Sunny Dayyy
[slightly hazy picture of sun in sky]
A Local Event
[long shot from above of field with colourful tents, bunting and people milling around]
The Beyooty of Naitchoooooorrrr
[close-ups of things that represent 'nature' - a dead bird or something, maybe, and a couple of frogs, if cheap enough]
Edyookaishon
[close-up of children looking educated, maybe they could be counting something? or pointing at a map?]
Funnnn
[heavily creepy echo effect on sound and blurry nostalgia-tinted footage of caterpillar train going round in sunshine]

How could it all go so wrong?
[discordant and jarring music to play to crescendo over the following shots:
Ordinary Liddle Girrrl looking distinctly stroppy and ignoring wise suggestions of Ordinary Mom;
Enormous neon sign saying 'No Ice-Cream on site';
Nasty man saying 'No, of course there are no maps and no information about what's here on site at all' in an evil and irrational manner, perhaps brandishing a weapon and looking generally un-American;
Ordinary Liddle Girrrl refusing to make clay pot and half-heartedly using a stick to make decorative dots in a pot made lovingly by Ordinary Mom, whilst looking passionately in the opposite direction at the inflatable slide;
Ordinary Liddle Girrrl climbing to top of giant inflatable slide, freaking out and having to be rescued by inflatable slide man;
Ordinary Liddle Girrrl needing to be rescued from bouncy castle after bumping incident;
Ordinary Liddle Girrrl sitting in story-telling tent with back to story-teller and interrupting craply told story by shouting out randomly about the Snow White costume worn by other child in tent as well as interjecting with comments about a man dressed as a badger seen in the middle distance]

Announcer:
And just when it seemed they were finally safe...
[happy music and shot of girl smiling and chatting with Mom on way home with balloon]
...a new nightmare was only just beginning!
[shot of balloon now caught out of reach up in tree, then shot from above of Ordinary Liddle Girrrl screeching, with camera pulling up higher and higher away from her, like that shot of Grant Mitchell in Eastenders in the rain that time just before the drums came in]

*** End Of ***

Thanks, though, to the two tall and sartorially beautiful guys who stopped and bothered to go to a skip down the road, pick out a long-enough piece of wood and use it to get the balloon down. It sort of did save the day.